He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
