ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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