It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
