I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
