You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
