the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
