when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
