omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
