i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
