A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
