mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
