I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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