I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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