yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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