my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
