Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
