in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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