Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
