she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I believe in your delicious
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
