her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
