I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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