yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
