It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
