I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
