I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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