Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
