Plan B is the new Plan A
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
