That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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