if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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