I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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