...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
