you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
