So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
