It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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