i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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