you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
