Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
