I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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