So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
