mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
