I'm eating all of the evidence.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
