I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Everything about him screamed your future.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
