So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
