dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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