My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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