It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His hands were made for my vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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