Quick, to the slutcave!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
