i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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