I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
