I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
